Babies come from gametes: The truth about the birds and bees

If "the talk" your parent(s) gave you about the birds and the bees was anything like mine, it probably went a little something like this...

Mom: "When a man and a woman love each other... blah, blah, blah."
Me: (rolls eyes) "I already know this stuff, mom. I read about it in the encyclopedia."
Mom: "Blah, blah, blah."
Me: (looks disgusted because mom is talking about genitals)
Mom: "Blah, blah, blah.. and that's how a baby is made. Do you have any questions?"
Me: "No."

My mom deserves a huge round of applause because she did a great job handling that painfully awkward conversation. Not to mention, she let me live even though I was a little smart ass who thought looking up the terms "intercourse" and "reproduction" in a book somehow made me an authority on the subject. She also said many important, intelligent things that were not "blah" but that's how my know-it-all, embarrassed, 11 year-old self interpreted the content. Sorry, mom.

I won't pretend to know how to explain the origins of babies to children, but since we are all adults here (or seriously advanced children... does your mom know you're reading this?) we can say it like it is: there are lots of ways that babies are made!

First off, all babies might be gooey balls of love, but not all of them come from love. Sometimes babies are products of lust or failed birth control or too much tequila. Whatever the reasons behind conception, the worth of the baby is no different.

Secondly, not all babies are made by a man and a woman. To be accurate, all human babies are made from a sperm and an egg. But how this happens and who is involved in the baby-making varies from zygote to zygote. Here are some baby-making methods that were probably missing from your birds and bees talk:

• Eggs without sperm: Two people with eggs in a relationship, whether they be two women or a woman and a transman or any other combination, still have lots of options for pregnancy. One or both of the partners may choose to attempt pregnancy using donor sperm (preferably they try at different times because one pregnant person per household is plenty). They may choose a donor from a sperm bank or use a donor that is known to them (a friend or relative that is willing to donate). Once the sperm supply is identified, the partner attempting pregnancy may be inseminated in a clinic that offers alternative insemination services or choose to inseminate at home. Another option, in the case of partnered women each with a functional uterus, is to use one partner's egg and have the other partner carry the baby. This would occur through in vitro fertilization: the eggs would be retrieved from one partner, fertilized by donor sperm in a petri dish, and then implanted into the uterus of the partner carrying the baby. Single women who want to get pregnant without a partner, may also opt to use the alternative insemination techniques previously described.

• Sperm without eggs: Making babies when neither partner has eggs or a uterus is a little trickier but science can help with this too. One of the partner's sperm can be used to impregnate a surrogate. The surrogate can be known or someone who is found through a surrogacy agency. Depending on the arrangement, the surrogate may be directly inseminated with the sperm (using her own egg) or, as is typically the case, eggs will be obtained through an egg donor. In the case of a donor, the eggs will be fertilized with sperm via in vitro fertilization and then implanted into the surrogate's uterus. This is more common as the surrogate then has no genetic relationship to the baby she carries, avoiding messy legal repercussions. 

Alternative insemination techniques or in vitro fertilization may also be used when a man and women have difficult conceiving "the old-fashioned way".

Additionally, making a baby doesn't have to involve your own gametes (reproductive cells). No, I'm not referring to storks. I'm talking about adoption, an option for many families who can't conceive on their own or just opt not to.

So, now you know the truth: babies come from gametes. The rest is variable. And you're welcome. Your answer to "where do babies come from?" just became a lot less awkward.